


Only in My Memories

by Xaela



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, BDSM, Blood and Violence, Gangs, Italian Mafia, Light Angst, M/M, Reincarnation, Smut, Yakuza, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-05-25 15:43:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14980325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xaela/pseuds/Xaela
Summary: Eren Jaeger is burdened by his past life - the same reckless tendencies, the haunting memories, and the loneliness from seeming to be the only one reincarnated. Therefore, he reckons such things are irrelevant in his current life as a member of the notorious crime syndicate, the Titans, but fire ignites when he meets a yakuza boss harboring a familiar pair of silver eyes.Soon Eren finds out that history doesn’t repeat itself but it often rhymes.





	1. Keep Me in Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Please hit me with any constructive criticism - whether it's a minor or major, shout and be loud! Now enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is hard for love to blossom in the soil of a world tread by titans. So the seeds will be planted in the soil of another.

Being at war against monsters capable of unfathomable destruction made any average person tremble with terror. Even the toughest of soldiers would sweat at night, ridden with nightmares of comrades and themselves being eaten alive by the horrific titans.

Eren Jaeger was no exception. Though sometimes, other nightmares would plague his night.

The brunette tossed and turned.  _Armin, w_ _atch out!_ A groan escaped unconscious lips, bloody images of his best friend's broken, crushed body flooding his mind.  _Mikasa, run away!_   Tears pricked the corners of closed eyes, crumbling at the sight of his precious sister, pale and limp; her body split at the torso. _Levi...No, please, Levi!_ It was of no use. The only remains were a few splatters of blood.

The dam that held his sanity broke.

The anguish that flooded his chest wasn't solely placed by seeing the gruesome deaths of his beloved people, the screams that spilled from his lips was from seeing how  _he_ had crushed Armin, how  _he_ had ripped Mikasa in half. It was  _him_ that devoured Levi, not leaving even a trace of his lover behind. It was on these nights that he dreamt that  _he_ was the monster.

Spine-chilling screams continued to echo throughout Eren's cell. Imprisoned in his sleep, he pleaded for it to stop. He begged for his precious people to be saved from him. From him, the monster.

He was just a monster. He was a monster-

"EREN!"

Eren silenced mid-scream. Wide, frantic eyes darted around, the familiarity of his cell slowly calming his nerves. Cold fingers dug painfully into his shoulder, the sensation snapping Eren out of his stupor. There, Levi was, sitting on his bed to the side, shaking the brunette by his shoulders with desperation.

"Eren!" Levi called out to him, his usually stoic composure was contorted with concern, "It's just a nightmare, brat, snap out of it!"

Unfortunately, he could not shake away the ghosts of his nightmare. At every blink, lifeless bodies reeled behind his eyelids.

"L-Levi," his voice broke, he grasped at his forearms in a feeble attempt to stop his body shaking, "Armin, M-Mikasa...and you. I killed all of you."

Levi scoffed, gently wrapping his arms around the brunette, "Keep dreaming, brat. You're ten years too early to even speak of defeating me."

"You...you'd die of old age by then, old man," Eren chuckled shakily, leaning in towards Levi's embraced, but they stiffened at Eren's next words.

"Levi, you'll kill me, right?" Eren kept his face hidden against the raven's shoulder, his hands still shaking ever so slightly. "Before I can hurt anyone, please kill me before that."

Silence ensued, thick and heavy. It was almost as if the world was holding its breath. Giving in, Eren looked up to face the captain. Levi returned Eren's gaze with an intense stare, undecipherable emotions swirled in the silver depths. Suddenly, Levi cupped Eren's face, pressing his forehead to the other.

"You're not a monster, Eren. You'd never harm any of us," he reassured but the raven knew that would not satisfy Eren, "But I promise you...if it comes to that. I will kill you."

Eren managed a bittersweet smile, relieved. Levi was a formidable soldier, Eren could trust him to keep that promise, nonetheless, the statement sent piercing needles into his chest. Before he could linger on the feeling, he felt lips press against his forehead.

"Don't let it come to that, okay brat? That's an order," Levi murmured, gripping the brunette in his arms tighter, "Armin, Mikasa, and all of your friends need you...I need you. You've become my reason for living."

Eren bit his lip, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. If only they lived in another world - one where titans didn't exist, where it was peaceful, where they could enjoy their time together and not worry about who would die next.

"I love you, Levi."

The arms that surrounded him tensed before they pulled Eren closer to the raven as he responded, voice barely audible. "I love you too, Eren. Never fucking forget that."

And he didn't. Eren never forgot, not in this life - and the next.

And unfortunately, his nightmares continued. Only this time, Levi wasn't there to wake him up from them.

 


	2. We Meet Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice: The summary is slightly different. I have changed Eren's group from being a Mafia to an independent crime syndicate because I believe Eren's too volatile and free to be bound to a Mafia-like group.
> 
> Also, I'm British so my grammar and spelling are British but my computer is set to American English dictionary so there might be inconsistencies between spelling like colour/color. Hopefully, this is minor enough to not be an inconvenience.

_‘Where I am, it’s always winter,_  
_In August, it’s like December._  
_My heart can only chase after time_  
_On a train no one remembers.’_

The world never stands still. Things are always changing. No matter how perilous and perpetual calamities may be, there will always be an end. No matter how content and incessant peace may reign, there will always be an end.

That is how, Eren Jaeger, realized the world worked. Though it did take a great many blood, sweat and tears, sacrifice and suffering, humans finally liberated themselves from the torment of titans.

However, that did not necessarily mean that the suffering of humans was over. Of course, a temporary harmony existed across the lands after humanity’s triumph – but that was all it was, temporary.

Evil and terror did not only exist in the titans, but also within humanity itself. As humanity moved on from that terrible chapter, they simply turned pages to another chapter of misery and anguish, the previous chapter becoming a simple distant memory. Humans flicked through chapters of plagues, world wars, depressions, and natural disasters. And as humanity changed, so did the earth itself.

The Marleyan and Eldian empire now ceased to exist. Instead, now, existed seven continents. The only evidence of the old world ever existing were in legends and myths the everyday person would most likely never have heard of.

That is why the magnitude of loneliness Eren felt in this 21st-century era was immeasurable. If being born with the intellect and memories of a grown man didn’t screw him over as a child, then growing up with the absence of anyone he knew in his past life definitely did the job.

The titans, the deaths, the pain, and suffering – the burden of it all was something he alone had to carry.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Jaeger!”

The brunette faltered, the music from his earplugs now falling to deaf ears as he faceplanted the treadmill.

“Fuck,” Eren groaned, rubbing his now sore knees. He turned to face who it was that disturbed him and made sure to glare at them with all the poison of a thousand snakes.

“Don’t bite me, kid,” a rough voice snapped. “If you got a booboo get some fucking Disney plasters.”

Eren held back a growl, standing up to grab a towel and pat himself of his sweat. “What do you want, Carsten?”

Said man puffed out his chest, subtly tensing his muscles as he folded his arms. Eren rolled his eyes. It was a mystery to Eren why the man kept trying to act intimidating when his muscles only made up for what he lacked in his head. Carsten was a man of average height, his short black hair neatly combed and parted to the sides. Sparse hairs formed his thin mustache and sideburns that trailed down to his jawline and as always, his large rounded nose was pointing up in arrogance.

“The boss wants to see you, something about some dragons or some bullshit,” he muttered.

Eren paused as he went to grab his water bottle. Dragons? He bit his lip.

“Alright,” he nodded, his abnormal compliance slightly startling the other man. Usually, anything Carsten said to Eren fell on deaf ears.

Ready to head out, he brushed past Carsten but bristled at his next words.

“If only you could always behave like a good little bitch,” Carsten muttered. In a split second, Eren’s fist slammed into Carsten's nose, earning a satisfying crunch.

“Watch your mouth, errand boy,” Eren spat, “And didn’t you pay to get pegged by some hooker last week? Yeah, who’s the fucking bitch now?”

A fire crackled in Eren’s eyes both in anger and excitement; it had been too long as things had been eerily quiet in their territory.

“I’m gonna make you regret that, Jaeger!” Carsten roared, clutching his nose in one hand and forming a fist with the other.

Eren tightened his fists holding back a grin.

“I recall having ordered you to bring Jaeger to my office, not brawl like prison bitches.”

Fists dropped, bodies turned, the two men standing at attention towards the new voice.

“B-Boss!” Carsten stuttered, “I apologize, Eren was not following orders and—

“Carsten. Leave.”

The man instantly shut his mouth, wasting no time in exiting the room. Once the door clicked shut Eren let out a breath of air, relaxing. “What did you need, Faye?”

The woman furrowed her eyebrows, “I do recall forbidding you to use my first name outside of my office.”

“I don’t see the problem,” Eren shrugged, taking a seat on a nearby metal bench, “It’s just us two in here right now. And you and I both know your house’s security is top-grade or I wouldn’t even be here.”

Faye Jaeger was an initially harmlessly looking woman. But upon closer inspection, you’d find the hidden trained muscles under her lithe frame as well as the wrath and wisdom shadowing her ice blue eyes. She was a beauty with her flawless tanned skin, a shade lighter than Eren’s. Further, she was adorned with sharp features and luscious eyes, the only element that reflected her true age was her silky white hair held up high in a messy bun.

“Our sources have informed me that Recon have arrived in New York Harbour.”

“What?” Eren furrowed his eyebrows, “What business do they have here?”

“I believe they intend to expand,” she pinched the round frame of her glasses as she continued, “Whether it’s simply political and governmental influence or physical territory, I’m not quite sure.”

Recon were the leading yakuza in Japan. Often dubbed as the Silver Dragons, say that the main family had eyes of silver, and their members harbored tattoos of dragon wings. Up until recently, even professional informants knee-deep in the crime world had no knowledge of their group name until a recent conflict about a month ago between them and a rival yakuza group. The result? The rival group’s complete eradication and annihilation.

“These people have impressive security. Our men have failed to find any data regarding any of their members,” the old lady muttered.

“What do you need me to do?” Eren questioned.

Faye neared Eren, dropping a thin file on his lap. “Are you familiar with the Symphony of Queens?”

Eren opened up the file. The contents consisted of various blueprints, reports, and a silver embellished card. A slow smirk graced his lips, “I suppose it was a gold-mine for pickpockets and thieves of the like.”

“That it was,” she responded, “I have arranged for you to attend their 50th-anniversary party. It’s a simple reconnaissance mission. With how elusive they are being, any smallest information you can obtain would be welcome.”

“Understood.” Eren scanned the silver calligraphy decorating the invitation from the file. “Eren…Hunter? How creative, Faye. Wait. The party’s tonight?”

Blue eyes glowered in response. “Is there a problem?”

“No, ma’am” Eren mock saluted. “It is a Friday night after all.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eren always felt a bit strange looking at mirrors. Everything about his physical appearance was identical to the one of his previous life. From the shade of his eyes, cut of his hair and even to the bronze of his skin – the differing environments held no power over the magical sorcery that was his fixed appearance.

Though he remained unchanged, the surroundings reflected around him were so different. No feeble cobblestone villages scattered with drunken Garrison soldiers. No immensely daunting walls obscuring the endless horizons. And no certain raven-haired love of his life. No. Love of his past life.

Eren slapped his cheeks. Reality was calling, this was no time to dwell in the past for fuck’s sake.

Green eyes narrowed with uncertainty back to him as they wandered across the mirror. He adjusted his scarlet tie for the millionth time, scrutinizing the three-piece navy suit that adorned him with a facade of class and sophistication.  That atmosphere shattered, however, when the high shrill of Eren’s phone broke the silence.

“Did you manage to get in?”

Eren paused before answering. The brunette was certain he was alone in the bathroom, nonetheless, you never be fully sure.

“Safely enough,” Eren spoke, “The party is a lot more crowded than I thought.”

The boy brushed a hand through his hair, it had only been thirty minutes since his arrival, but he was already tired, the familiar creep of an oncoming migraine becoming imminent.  So far, his efforts had been fruitless – only sweaty businessmen, second-rate celebrities and pompous rich kids seemed to flood the ballroom with superficial chatter and raucous laughter.

“That’s to be expected,” Faye replied, “Find out what you can. Be back at midnight to meet the new recruits.”

“Alright,” Eren glanced at his watch, just under two hours left. “Now, if that’s all, I need to get back to this absolutely riveting party.”

Not waiting for a response, Eren curtly hung up and made his way to the main ballroom. After already spending an hour alternating between inhaling the party food and mingling with the other guests, he was beginning to doubt if he’d find anything useful. He sighed, glancing through a window. A relentless rainstorm was brewing outside which made the brunette reluctant to check the outer deck, but it wouldn’t hurt to try he supposed.

“You motherfucker!”

Eren tensed, immediately halting mid-step. The curse was faint, followed by the sound of something heavy shuffling. The brunette was immediately suspicious. The sounds seeming to come from the iron door to his right. He glanced at the sign. Supply Loading Bay.

Narrowing his eyes, he looked side to side before sliding through a door to the bay. He rapidly scanned his surroundings, noting how the place was full of supply trucks and lorries. The area seemed devoid of life, cast entirely in a shadow save for a section in the back cast under a haze of a single pair of dim headlights. Quietly, each movement calculated and purposefully made, he crept towards the light. Eren held his breath as he watched shadows dance across the back wall, the voices now becoming more audible.

Three men came into view, fortunately, facing away from him. Surrounding a girl, from the sounds of it, who was obscured from Eren’s vision by the middle man. Eren’s body stilled. Tendrils of an ominous horned octopus snaked the back of the middle man’s neck in the form of a tattoo. Eren’s heart rate picked up, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood straight.

“Troublesome, brat,” the middle man spat as he paced side to side, his voice like gravel in Eren’s ears. “More of my time fucking wasted.”

“Feulner, I don’t think this is a good idea. Big man said to lay low—

“Shut your fucking trap,” the man, Feulner, interrupted. Instantly, his expression morphed to a crude smile at the girl, “Pretty thing, aren’t you?”

The man, Feulner, grasped the girl firmly by her jaw which resulted in a further cascade of curses. With no obscurities and now slightly, dangerously, closer to the crowd, Eren could clearly see them. Feulner, seemingly the leading man, had a silver-blonde bowl cut and droopy pale brown eyes that leered down at the girl. Fiery jade green eyes looked back up at him with spite, a delicate face framed by messy tousles of red-brown hair.

“Having a closer look at you...you’re actually quite my type,” Feulner grinned creepily, an unnerving glint in his eyes. “Too bad you’re not the team I bat for – but…I can just pretend if I use that hole.”

The girl shuddered, eyes widening in slight terror. “You fucker. Let me go!”

Feulner simply cackled. His nails trailed from her jaw, down her neck, down to her—

But his fingers ceased to move down further.

The man groaned, his body dropping like a ragdoll. Everyone froze in shock except for Eren, using the moment to jab and wind the second man, following it up by an elbow to the temple.

Two down, one more to go.

“You asshole!” the last man growled behind him.

Eren took one glance behind him as he stepped back, narrowly dodging the oncoming blade with ease. In one fluid motion, he leaned on his back foot and did a sharp pivot, gifting the last man with a reverse roundhouse kick to the back of his head.

The brunette let out a deep exhale. Ten seconds, give or take a few, that’s all it had taken.

“That was amazing!” the girl gasped in awe, “You’re so fast.”

“Um, thanks,” Eren spoke as he knelt in front of the girl, registering the thick rope that bound her ankles and wrists together.

But _he_ was faster than he could ever be, the brunette commented internally.

“What happened here?” Eren questioned, pulling out a pocket knife before carefully cutting through the rope.

The girl shifted her eyes nervously, “Well you see…”

“Isabelle! I was looking every for you. Wait- What the fuck happened here?”

Eren’s eyes widened, spinning to face the new voice only just managing to bring up his forearms to block a kick to his face.

“Farlan, stop! He helped me!” Isabelle shouted in his defense. Quickly, she ran in front of Eren, spreading out her arms in an attempt to shield him from any further attacks. Not that he really needed it.

Eren held a deceivingly relaxed stance. However, he held the pocket knife behind his back discreetly, fully prepared if things turned out ugly. Though Eren was positioned farthest from the door, he was positive he was agile enough to outmaneuver them through the vehicles which also provided plenty of cover if they had guns.

“Is that so?” the man questioned, light grey eyes still narrowed at Eren with distrust.

Eren was about to explain when the sound of another set of footsteps reached his ear. For fuck’s sake, more people?

“What the fuck is going on here?”

And just like that, Eren’s entire world lit up.

Impossible.

In a trance, the brunette took agonizingly slow steps towards the newcomer. Eyes stretched wide and mouth agape as flashbacks reeled in the front of his mind back-to-back like a movie.

_‘Brat, training at six sharp. Don’t be late.’_

The sounds of two people questioning his actions could barely be heard over the ringing that deafened his ears. His stomach churned like a roller coaster, the surroundings swayed in the edges of his vision. The only thing Eren’s mind could process right now was the man walking towards them.

_‘Eren. I may be an old man to you…but will you be mine?’_

Same…he looked exactly the fucking same. Still vertically challenged, the same impeccable undercut, the permanently furrowed eyebrows and the most hypnotizing pair of silver eyes. Eren’s heart was beating erratically and violently like a jackhammer was caged in his ribs.

_‘I love you too, Eren. Never fucking forget that.’_

“Levi?”

The man halted right in front of Eren. Silver eyes narrowing in…confusion?

“Who the fuck are you?”

And just like that, Eren’s entire world turned black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Points to anyone who knows where the song lyrics are from. Disclaimer: that verse is not originally mine but by Silv3r T3ar

**Author's Note:**

> Even though I asked for constructive criticism any other feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!


End file.
